Morning thoughts with painkillers added

lyseroed-lupin.jpg

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I’ve had this on my mind for a while, and now I thought I was over it. But not so. Aprently even people who are supposed to get it dosen’t or think they know better. I normally don’t “dwell” on my bad health, as I like to focus on the positive. Thereby not said that I ignore my health or don’t aknowledge that I have my weaknesses. The problems starts when other people think, they know what you can and can do, and last but not least what you can do to “get better”. This entry is fulled by ad remark the other day. The one who mad it, is also sick, and as such should know that even small things can tricker a lot of pain. People who don’t have a bad health or haven’t tried it can excuse for making stupid remarks, but to have it from someone who should know, makes me very sad and dissapointed.

My health isn’t good, and there’s a lot wrong and reasons why I often start the day being as tired as you are, when you go to bed sometimes. That in itself might contribute to, you don’t think I seem very energetic. Fair enough!! But when you add constant pain in various degree and strength (people who have pain, know how much that tires you out), 20% reduced lungcapacity and astma – then you do get a person with limitations. That shouldn’t be “Rocket Sience”. If I as it was hinted was lazy, then I wouldn’t turn up at all. It can set me right of when people say “and you ought to be in better shape don’t you?” – what can be done I’m douing and I’m not walking round commenting on others form or health unless they invite me to. That I can reduce the uncomfort by loosing weight I’m aware of and I’m doing that too, but as far as I know it’s not a matter for the public???

I have a hard time saying no, when people ask for help, and therefore I did way much more thatn I should have Saturday. The price – several days with really really bad pain and lying down. As said I know my limits and I’m trying to do the very little that can be done to better the situation, but how do you get people to understand that – I think it’s hard and I think peoples lack of thoughtfullness is horrible. I also know the consequences if I just continue. I have them now. I others want to mutulate their body, so be it, but they also have to accpept that I’m trying to find a ballance and do some things without havning to get to this. they don’t know the whole storey so why can’t they just trust you if you say that you can’t?? Beats me! Now it might end up with that if I have to do a little here, that’s all I’m going to get done this week and then I’ll go to the races only Sunday. Then I avoid putting myself in a situation, where I can’t say no, but that shouldn’t be neccesary. I’ll have to explain in details then?

The flower is a lupin – I think, when I look at the leaves but at the same time the color and the shape is not quite typical – what does the experts say?

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