A bit about gratitude and thoughts

The whole gratitude thing is very present right now as it’s Thanksgiving tonight. Evening American time I guess. But no harm in thinking about what to be grateful for in Denmark as well.

When you speak of gratitude, it’s easy to apply to an adoptiontheme and also when we talk genaology and searches in general. It is all very connected also around all the blogs and forums. Now I’d love to write how grateful I am to have met my biological mother or father or the lovely contact I have to the biological sister I also have. I can do neither. And to be honest with you (that’s my nature), I’m really sorry about that. My biological mother has a good excuse – she’s not here anymore.

My biological father, I have no knowledge about and I don’t know if he is aware of my exsistance at all or if he is even alive. If he is alive he’ll be 83, so no matter how we tvist and turn I have to hurry. As regarding my sister. Well what can I say. She replied when I wrote her 17 years ago but she also made it very clear that it was very difficult for her, and that she didn’t see any reason for us to be in touch, but she wished me the best. She was also nice and sendt me the only photo I have of her and my mother. Very clearly we are related and that in itself was huge for me.

Maybe you just get greedy? You want more? Is that how we are? In the spirit of gratitude, I’m trying to ge grateful for that I at least have some information. There is people out there, who can never get any at all. But it is frustrating because where will I get photos of my grandparents – which she might have , information about them as well, and in general about my mother and her life. She didn’t know much, as she didn’t grow up with her and of course she can’t give information she dosent’t have, but in regard to our grandmother, there most certainly must be more to tell.

The problem is that she sort of cut of the option. Now it is 17 years ago. Should I write again and give her a chance to change to contact me? I have moved several times since…… And then again, I don’t want to upset her, with something that was clearly painful for her. There’s several reasons why, which I understand. Og then again, I don’t understand she’s not curious. When that is said I’m very grateful she at least answerd my first letter.

As you know, I’m still trying to find information about my grandparents and biological dad. The first have come to a total standstill, since I wrote to Poland and heard nothing. Next thing is trying writing the Polish Embassey and a Polish genaology page I’ve found.

Regarding the latter, it’s not going much better, I’ve written to a few her and there, but at least I think we’ve found one that could be my biological dad. The problem is how to get it verified. The bad new is, that if that’s him, he is dead. But that something I have taken into consideration. That’s the risk I’ve lived with for a long time. Now I “just” have to figure out, what to do next.

I do have some help with it, but it’s all on a voluntary basis and there’s other than me, on the aggenda, and as such time passes in between reply’s. In his latest mail, he came up with a couple of options. One of them, is the one I’m putting my money on. If it’s him, then he is from East Dennis, Massachusetts. I’m grateful for the ones trying to help although this project seems to be an uphill strugggle. Sometimes I’m just about to give up all together. In part also because, it takes up SO much time. Time I don’t feel I have. I have so many things I need to do eveywhere, and I doubt I’ll ever get to the bottom of it.

The opertunities the net give is another thing to be grateful for. I am, and it is all very well, but a lot of these obtions cost moneyM, and I’m far from rolling in it. So I can’t afford several subscribtions at several 100 dkr. (if I subscribe to at least two sites) – Ancestry.com alone is 150,- dkr. a month. And so far, I haven’t found anything useful in there. Then there’s a lot of other site, where documents are stored and it’s equally expensive. So at the end you get pretty disheartned. That’s where I am right now, inspite my gratitude towards what I achieved by pure “knocking on doors”, and one letter (before the computers) and later mail after the other.

That was a little about what I’m gratetul for in terms of adoption. Now I’d be really grateful for some ekstra time, and energy. But that’s not likely to happen, so I’ll have to manage. By the way there is a whole different angle to the gratitude thing and that’s about adoptive parents. But we’ll take that another time. As that is more a negative form of gratitude, we’re talking about here, and it’s not going to ruin the spirit of Thanksgiving.

Apart from adoption and ancectry I do think I have a lot to be grateful for. Good friends my lovely flat, and inspite health issues, I in general have a good life. Better than a lot of others I think. Maybe because I’m a very positive person at heart.

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