Kategoriarkiv: IN ENGLISH

The entries in English for my foreign friends

Do it out of pure love

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We’re having a bit of a discussion at the Danish adoption site’s Facebook page (in Danish). The reason is this article that is about Danish parents who in increasing numbers don’t want children who are too old and has any “faults” as such! That could be sickness, handicaps etc. They see the adopted child as a replacement for the biological child they can’t have. It has to be the ones who adopt for that reason that they can’t have children. What is TOTALLY left out of the article is that this is far from it always the movtivation and some simply choose this solution regardless, seen as something to do as there are so many children out there in need of love and care. And that should be the main reason in my book. You should never be a replacement for a unfulfilled need. If you are, the risk of dissapointment and frustration is very big, and that is properly what happens in a lot of cases, I think.

But like I wrote in the group. Adopted parents do wrong, misunderstand and make the wrong demands on their children and has too many expectations etc. – surprise! And an even larger surprise is that this actually happens to biological parents too. Is it good or bad to be adopted? It can be both. Sometimes really good and all is great and sometimes it goes to hell. Funny enough exsactly like all other families there’s not only good or only bad – there is everything.

When that is said you do have exstra things with you as adopted and that can cause problems in a lot of ways. And if you have fysical difficulties in there as well, that makes things even more complicated. So of course you have to be prepared for the job in hand and you do have to really WANT this with all of your heart. But I’d think that the whole process would eleminate, the ones that don’t. Can you question the motives – sure you can! But we have to asume the will to want it to begin with. If that’s enough in the long run is not a given thing as with biological parents.

What do you think of the article?

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End of the road?

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I’m wondering, have I reached the end of the road as far as finding out about my ancestors (at least on my biological father side). I fear I have. Last I tried something it ended up in nothing – again. I have two remote posibilities left to try, and I will give them a go, but I don’t have much hope of it succeeding I must say.

In terms of my biological mothers family, I can’t get any closer before they sort out their archives in Berlin, which won’t be until 2013!!! I fail to see how you can let people wait that long for something so important. In this case it’s a matter of their death certificates. I’ve written to their native country Poland, only to get no answer. So where to turn. Of course if I had bucketloads of money I’d throw them at a professioal genaologist – but I haven’t unfortunately.

There’s NO Robert Jones registred with the millitary that they can find, that fits the data I have. I have NO clue as to where to look at all, as he could be from anywhere in the US. I only have a very common name and a birthdate. Not much to go on! I have written whereever I thought relevant, to ask if they had information, and in many cases people don’t even respond. I simply don’t know where to turn next. I have (with the opening of the 1940′s Census) found bunches of Robert Jones’s, but I have nothing to check up against to know if they’re him. So imagine sitting there looking at all these records and each and almost (the one’s that are black anyway and born the right date) all of them, could be him! Frustrating to say the least. It’s food for thought as well when you see these photos. I wonder what lies in my ancetrial baggage.

As far as my mothers parents, and that side of the family, I’ll have to wait – simply wait, but it feels like one long wait. You who have tried this are with me on this I’m sure. And as far as my biological dad goes – I’ve more or less given up. Unless I get help from unexpected people, win the lottery or something similar.

So if you have any suggestions, ideas whatsoever, please come forward. Or if you of course know of a Robert Jones born the 24th. April 1928 (African-American), who was in Berlin, Germany, Europe, at least in 1961, possibly before and after as well. Please get in touch.

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  1. Ruling him in or out

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Facebook

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Who says Facebook friends aren’t real friends?….. They enjoy seeing you on line everyday….. Miss you when you’re not there….. Send condolences when you lose a loved one….. Send you wishes on your birthday….. Enjoy the photos you post….. Put a smile on your face when you’re down….. Make you laugh when you feel like crying…… Re-post if you are grateful for your Facebook friends. I know I am!

To those of my friends, who are NOT there: I love you too, very much so – of course! But I do have to say: I feel sorry for you, that you do not expirience the love shared there!

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Revenge and forgiveness

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Please click above to get to the films officiall site – inclusive trailer

People who know me are also aware that Danish film and me are not very good friends. Far from it. Normally I tend to avoid Danish film, like the plauge. And why is that exsactly? Well I’ve asked myself the same question. Mostly because I don’t think the acting is good enough and then there is the tendency that the 5 same actors are in the lead again and again.

And honestly. Although Mads Mikkelsen is a nice looking guy, who does a decent act for the most parts, using him all the time gets tirering. To me anyway. There is very few Danish film, that I like, and I think deserve praise, but if I find reason to praise I’m the first to say so. And that’s not only around films, which I hope my surroundings feel too.

Then I saw the film this morning. For Christmas I got an impressive amount of DVD’s and also some CD’s. Som had to be changed to something else. Som of it was returned and changed into “In A Better World” (2010). It was with some nervousness I did that, but I thought that a Danish Oscar winning film, had to be worthy to to be on my shelve and I hadn’t seen it.

Now I’ve seen it and wow, I’m impressed. As in touched, moved, chocked, repelled and at the same time I can relate to the situations because we all have been if not this far out, so at least felt a touch of the things that are going on here. It’s about forgiveness, the lack of, revenge, grieve, anger, disgust and love.

I don’t want to go into the story too much, or at least I don’t want to reveal what the “plot” is. And if you haven’t seen it, then don’t read too much about it, but let yourself be surprised and thrilled and let it leave you thoughtful as it has me.

To me there’s no doubt that Susanne Bier, has more than deserved her Oscar. The story is masterly told, and has several stories aligned about the human nature.

The story is in short that we follow two Danish families whos lives are intertwined by several events. I can hardly say more without reavealing too much. Both are well of families in a socalled nice inviroment where everything is in place, but beneath the surface there are “cracks in the varnish”. .

Exsactly that is why I’m asking you, if you’ve been in a situation, where you wanted revenge, and even taken it, in a more serious way? We’ve properly all thought about it, but there is mostly a far cry from thought to action.

If you haven’t seen the film, it’s now you leave, as I’m now entering some subjects that are taken up in the film!

Would you have treated Big Man?

Do you understand the other recidents in the refuge camp, when they (presumeably) kill him afterwards?

And do you think it’s common that we get distanced towards our loved ones to this degree, not least if we are in a crises ourselves?

Please tell me your thoughts about revenge and forgiveness! Personally I belive that forgiveness is one of the most important things both for yourself but also for the ones, you have to forgive. Share your thoughts!

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Ruling him in or out

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We’re back to the good same old, same old question about my biological father. I have found one I’m hoping is him, but with more information also comes more questions. Is it possible to be enlisted in the Navy from 1945-1946 (Wounded in action) and then re-enlist as something else? The he would pop up as something else as well then?

And since my mother met “her” Robert in 1961 in Berlin, something is not right with this guy. Then there is another fellow, who also fit the describtion as far as name and birthday goes. So now I’ve written to my helper, and asked again what he think we should do. Like I said recently. I’m about to give up on the whole thing.

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A bit about gratitude and thoughts

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The whole gratitude thing is very present right now as it’s Thanksgiving tonight. Evening American time I guess. But no harm in thinking about what to be grateful for in Denmark as well.

When you speak of gratitude, it’s easy to apply to an adoptiontheme and also when we talk genaology and searches in general. It is all very connected also around all the blogs and forums. Now I’d love to write how grateful I am to have met my biological mother or father or the lovely contact I have to the biological sister I also have. I can do neither. And to be honest with you (that’s my nature), I’m really sorry about that. My biological mother has a good excuse – she’s not here anymore.

My biological father, I have no knowledge about and I don’t know if he is aware of my exsistance at all or if he is even alive. If he is alive he’ll be 83, so no matter how we tvist and turn I have to hurry. As regarding my sister. Well what can I say. She replied when I wrote her 17 years ago but she also made it very clear that it was very difficult for her, and that she didn’t see any reason for us to be in touch, but she wished me the best. She was also nice and sendt me the only photo I have of her and my mother. Very clearly we are related and that in itself was huge for me.
Læs resten →

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Time To Say Goodbye – a personal greeting

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We said goodbye a long time ago, but you’re most cetainly not forgotten, and I still hold you to your word of seeing you in the next life. Sometimes it seems too far away! This is for you with all my love!

When I’m alone I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
There is no light in a room where there is no sun
and there is no sun if you’re not here with me, with me.
From every window unfurls my heart the heart that you have won.
Into me you’ve poured the light,
the light that you found by the side of the road.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I’ve never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I’ll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
it’s time to say goodbye.

When you’re far away I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
And of course I know that you’re with me, with me.
You, my moon, you are with me.
My sun, you’re here with me with me, with me, with me.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I’ve never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I’ll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,

I’ll revive them with you.
I’ll go with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
I’ll revive them with you.
I’ll go with you.

You and me.

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