We’re having a bit of a discussion at the Danish adoption site’s Facebook page (in Danish). The reason is this article that is about Danish parents who in increasing numbers don’t want children who are too old and has any “faults” as such! That could be sickness, handicaps etc. They see the adopted child as a replacement for the biological child they can’t have. It has to be the ones who adopt for that reason that they can’t have children. What is TOTALLY left out of the article is that this is far from it always the movtivation and some simply choose this solution regardless, seen as something to do as there are so many children out there in need of love and care. And that should be the main reason in my book. You should never be a replacement for a unfulfilled need. If you are, the risk of dissapointment and frustration is very big, and that is properly what happens in a lot of cases, I think.
But like I wrote in the group. Adopted parents do wrong, misunderstand and make the wrong demands on their children and has too many expectations etc. – surprise! And an even larger surprise is that this actually happens to biological parents too. Is it good or bad to be adopted? It can be both. Sometimes really good and all is great and sometimes it goes to hell. Funny enough exsactly like all other families there’s not only good or only bad – there is everything.
When that is said you do have exstra things with you as adopted and that can cause problems in a lot of ways. And if you have fysical difficulties in there as well, that makes things even more complicated. So of course you have to be prepared for the job in hand and you do have to really WANT this with all of your heart. But I’d think that the whole process would eleminate, the ones that don’t. Can you question the motives – sure you can! But we have to asume the will to want it to begin with. If that’s enough in the long run is not a given thing as with biological parents.
What do you think of the article?