Update om min søgen/on my search!



Min biologiske mor Hildegard Charlotte Weide

Det er ved at være længe siden, jeg har skrevet noget om min søge efter min rødder. Det er der en meget simpel forklaring på. Der er ikke sket noget! Jeg har gjort lidt. Har blandt andet haft en sød dames hjælp i forhold til at prøve at finde ud af mere om mine bedsteforældre i Tyskland, og har også været i forbindelse med lidt mennesker i forhold til min biologiske far – altssammen uden held.

De sagde for 1½ år siden, at de var ved at omlægge arkiverne (med hensyn til mine bedsteforældre) så der var ventetid. Den tid er jo så for længst gået, og det virker som om vi bliver holdt hen. Hende der hjælper mig, har samme erfaring i forhold til andres søgen, og jeg er så sur! Det er bare ikke i orden. Jeg ved snart ikke, hvad jeg skal gøre! Vi har skrevet, ringet, skrevet og ringet og forfra igen og intet sker. Hvor klager man sin nød??

Så er der hele spørgsmålet om min biologiske far. Stadig intet nyt der, udover jeg nu prøver at poste en poster i nogle grupper på facebook, og så må vi se. Nu har jeg lige fået at vide, at der ikke er nogen let vej andet end at tage og indskrænke det og så prøve at ringe rundt. Vi taler mange, mange tusinder, hvis ikke mere. Nu må vi se, det virker helt uoverskueligt og jeg kan ikke se, hvor jeg skal få dels tiden og dels kræfterne til det fra. Men jeg må prøve så godt jeg kan, og så må vi se. Nu har jeg postet de indlæg ihvertfald.

Der er meget mere at sige om emnet og også hele adoptionsdebatten som bliver ved at flyde i mere eller mindre kønne strømme rundt omkring. Det er snart svært at vide, hvad man skal synes om det. Der er lige så mange meninger, som der er adopterede og adoptivfamilier og biologiske forældre. Det der gør det svært er jo, at hver eneste barn og de berørte har en særlig historie og derfor er det som med meget følsomme emner svært at lave generelle regler, hvilket man jo dog er nødt til i systemer.

Look below for the English version:
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End of the road?

I’m wondering, have I reached the end of the road as far as finding out about my ancestors (at least on my biological father side). I fear I have. Last I tried something it ended up in nothing – again. I have two remote posibilities left to try, and I will give them a go, but I don’t have much hope of it succeeding I must say.

In terms of my biological mothers family, I can’t get any closer before they sort out their archives in Berlin, which won’t be until 2013!!! I fail to see how you can let people wait that long for something so important. In this case it’s a matter of their death certificates. I’ve written to their native country Poland, only to get no answer. So where to turn. Of course if I had bucketloads of money I’d throw them at a professioal genaologist – but I haven’t unfortunately.

There’s NO Robert Jones registred with the millitary that they can find, that fits the data I have. I have NO clue as to where to look at all, as he could be from anywhere in the US. I only have a very common name and a birthdate. Not much to go on! I have written whereever I thought relevant, to ask if they had information, and in many cases people don’t even respond. I simply don’t know where to turn next. I have (with the opening of the 1940’s Census) found bunches of Robert Jones’s, but I have nothing to check up against to know if they’re him. So imagine sitting there looking at all these records and each and almost (the one’s that are black anyway and born the right date) all of them, could be him! Frustrating to say the least. It’s food for thought as well when you see these photos. I wonder what lies in my ancetrial baggage.

As far as my mothers parents, and that side of the family, I’ll have to wait – simply wait, but it feels like one long wait. You who have tried this are with me on this I’m sure. And as far as my biological dad goes – I’ve more or less given up. Unless I get help from unexpected people, win the lottery or something similar.

So if you have any suggestions, ideas whatsoever, please come forward. Or if you of course know of a Robert Jones born the 24th. April 1928 (African-American), who was in Berlin, Germany, Europe, at least in 1961, possibly before and after as well. Please get in touch.

Ruling him in or out

We’re back to the good same old, same old question about my biological father. I have found one I’m hoping is him, but with more information also comes more questions. Is it possible to be enlisted in the Navy from 1945-1946 (Wounded in action) and then re-enlist as something else? The he would pop up as something else as well then?

And since my mother met “her” Robert in 1961 in Berlin, something is not right with this guy. Then there is another fellow, who also fit the describtion as far as name and birthday goes. So now I’ve written to my helper, and asked again what he think we should do. Like I said recently. I’m about to give up on the whole thing.

A bit about gratitude and thoughts

The whole gratitude thing is very present right now as it’s Thanksgiving tonight. Evening American time I guess. But no harm in thinking about what to be grateful for in Denmark as well.

When you speak of gratitude, it’s easy to apply to an adoptiontheme and also when we talk genaology and searches in general. It is all very connected also around all the blogs and forums. Now I’d love to write how grateful I am to have met my biological mother or father or the lovely contact I have to the biological sister I also have. I can do neither. And to be honest with you (that’s my nature), I’m really sorry about that. My biological mother has a good excuse – she’s not here anymore.

My biological father, I have no knowledge about and I don’t know if he is aware of my exsistance at all or if he is even alive. If he is alive he’ll be 83, so no matter how we tvist and turn I have to hurry. As regarding my sister. Well what can I say. She replied when I wrote her 17 years ago but she also made it very clear that it was very difficult for her, and that she didn’t see any reason for us to be in touch, but she wished me the best. She was also nice and sendt me the only photo I have of her and my mother. Very clearly we are related and that in itself was huge for me.
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Forgotten and hidden away

The article in The Guardian (to begin with this in a Danish Newspaper) about Joyce Carol Vincent, who is found dead after 3 years in her apartment in London, touched me deeply. Not because it touched me like it would anyone who would read that kind of thing, as in how can it not, but because I have a personal approach to this story. Very personal. I’ll get back to that.

Joyce dies all alone in her little flat in England in the age of just 38, and remain lying there until she is found 3 years later. The article asks if this could happen here and what can you do to prevent it. I have a hard time seeing this happening in Denmark as we are so watched and controlled in every way, that it’s to some degree is too much. It has the advantage, at that this shouldn’t be possible, but I don think it does, although not after 3 years unless you’re homeless, and then it is of course. Preventing it? No I don’t think you can, unless you want to take away peoples personal freedom which shouldn’t happen unless in very special circumstances. But like they say in the article:

What about the missing rent, gass- and electricity or her tax? All unpaid. Why did no-one react? What about the caretaker? The neighbours? Questions that are still more or less unanswered.

The article is about that this story moved the director of a new film coming in 2012, called “Dreams of a life“, where the whole story of Joyce and how this happend for a welladucated and -funcrtioning girl is told. A film I’m deffinately am going to see and even purchase later.

Now to the more personal approach to this. I terms of Adoption and seeking your roots I always say, that you have to be prepared to find not so nice things. And before you start, you have to decide if you will deal with that and know the truth. Personally I’d rather know the truth than speculate for ages. Then it’s sorted and you can deal with it. But it’s something you have to think long and hard about BEFORE you try and get in touch. If you have some pink dram about it all being all roses and the only thing that came as a “bump on the road” was you appearing on the scene, you could have a big surprise. It does happen in some cases and then of course it’s good. But there are a lot of not so “nice” stories. One of them is my own.

My biological mother also died all alone in a young age and was lying in her flat for a long time. Not for years, but in a relatively civilised society as the German 1½ month, and over Christmas, to me is a long time. Didn’t she have family? Yes she did, but she wasn’t in touch with them. And why that was I’m not quite sure, and more importantly I don’t know if it was her choice or the families. In this case it’s my gutt feeling that it was the first, although I don’t know.

Later when I sought information about her and found my biological sister in Berlin, she hardly knows anything about our mother for the same reason, and she has grown up with her (and my) grandmother. When I write her, she kindly replies and sends photos of her and my mother for which I’m very grateful, but at the same time, but at the same time, she states that this is very difficultfor her, and she think it is best, if we don’t stay in touch.

To say I was (and am) dissapointed about that dosen’t cover it, but I can’t force her, and wouldn’t want to either. So there’s not a lot of oppertunities to get information about my mother unless there are other family members I still haven’t found. Right now the search is concentrated in finding information about my biological father. Not that I’ve come much further, but a little – I think. It has often enough been totally hopeless so it takes a lot for me to jump with joy.

But I do find this story important. How could it happen, and if it can happen in England, can it happen here (in your country)? Rent has to be paid and if it isn’t someone reacts wich happend in Joyce’s case- but only after 3 years?

In my mothers case she was found by the caretaker in her building (more to the point he raised the alarm), because they’re going to that level to do some repairs, and he recalled that he hadn’t seen her in a long time – and then there was the obvious – the smell! To get news like that is not nice and it took me a long time to come to terms with and get over. If you can talk about getting over someone being that unhappy and, that they either choose to isolate themselves or get being so by others. I tend to have a gutt feeling here, telling me, it was my mothers choice. No matter how you look at it, it’s not good and especially not being young and relativly so as my mother who was only 43, that is not much older than Joyce.

I still don’t feel good about this (it’s a long time ago since I had this information), but I can’t do anything about it. The only thing I can do is try and live my life as well as possible and enjoy it.

As always, please let me know what you think. It’s always giving to hear other people’s thought on these kind of difficult issues.

This entry has been translated from the Danish entry.