Lidt om at søge/A bit about seaching

Som jeg har sagt før, så er jeg noget opgivende omkring hele det her søgeprojekt. Jeg havde sat mit håb til en hjælper, som gør alt hvad hun kan, med den viden, hun har og de kontakter der er. Problemet er manglen på information. Jeg har næsten ingen, og den jeg har, er enten mangelfuld eller direkte forkert, for intet stemmer, eller også stemmer det for godt. Dermed ment, at der er en million (mindst) med samme navn, som min biologiske far.

Så det giver lige så mange muligheder. Fødselsdagen og året som jeg også har, ser ikke ud til at stemme heller, og hvad er chancen så. Selv de erfarne mennesker, og organisationer, der har været involveret er kommet op med ingenting, og jeg begynder at tro, at det ikke er meningen, at jeg skal finde min biologiske far.

Der er dog en mulighed, jeg ikke har prøvet, og som jeg faktisk overvejer og det er en DNA test. Den lyver i det mindste ikke, og så vidt jeg kan se, er det den eneste mulighed, jeg sådan reelt har tilbage. Kommer den så heller ikke op med noget, så tror jeg, at jeg bare dropper det.

Derudover er der hele sagen omkring min biologiske mor. Jeg ved, hvem hun er, og det store linier, men hvad med alle detaljerne – hvem var hun som person, hvad kunne hun lide, hvad med resten af familien – ikke mindst min biologiske mormor, som jo levede til starten af 70’erne. Hvem skal give mig oplysning om hende? Der er kun en, der kan gøre det, og det er min biologiske søster i Berlin.

Spørgsmålet er så, hvad kommer først, og hvad vægter mest (ikke at det er en konkurrence), men alligevel – hensynet til hendes følelser eller mine. Har jeg ret til de oplysninger på trods af hendes ønske om at være i fred, eller? Jo jeg synes jo, det er min ret, at kende min historie/familie, men… det er svært. Lige nu, er jeg mest tilbøjelig til at “kaste håndklædet i ringen” og bare droppe det hele. Selvfølgelig ikke den information, jeg kan få via diverse offentlige arkiver – der ventes på noget så simpelt som dødsattester på mine bedsteforældre stadig. Når de kommer, så er der udfyldt et hul mere, men det er godt nok en langhåret affære.

Jeg hører gerne dine tanker omkring det.

In English:

As I’ve said before, I’m sort of giving up on the whole searching project. I had put my hopes in a helper, who is doing everything she can, with the knowledge, and contacts she’s got. The problem is the lack of information. I hardly have any and the one I got is limited or incorrect, as nothing seems to fit or fitting too well. Meaning there is a million (at least) with the same name as my biological dad.

So that gives me at least as many possibilities. The birthday and year dosen’t seem to be right either
and what are the chances then. Even the proffessional people and organisations, I’ve been in touch with has come up empty and I’m starting to think, I’m not meant to find my biological dad.

There is one possibility I haven’t tried and which I’m contemplating at the moment, and that’s a DNA test. It’s not going to lie at least, and as far as I can see, it’s the only possibility I really have left. If it comes up with nothing, I think I’m just going to leave it.

Then there is the whole business about my biological mother. I know who she is and the overall picture but what about all the details – who was she as a person, what did she like, what about the rest of the family not least my biological grandmother, who lived til the beginning of the 70’s. Who is going to give me information about her? There is only one who can, and that’s my biological sister in Berlin.

The question is, what weighs in the most (not that it’s a competition), but still – the consideration for her feelings or mine? Am I intiteled to these informations inspite her wish to be left alone or? Yes I think it’s my right to know my history/family, but…. it’s difficult. Right now I’m more for just “throwing in the towel” and drop the whole thing. Of course not the information, I can get through the official archives – still waiting for something as simple as deathcertificates on my grandparents. When they arrive it’ll be another hole filled out, but it’s a “hairy” affaire.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Ruling him in or out

We’re back to the good same old, same old question about my biological father. I have found one I’m hoping is him, but with more information also comes more questions. Is it possible to be enlisted in the Navy from 1945-1946 (Wounded in action) and then re-enlist as something else? The he would pop up as something else as well then?

And since my mother met “her” Robert in 1961 in Berlin, something is not right with this guy. Then there is another fellow, who also fit the describtion as far as name and birthday goes. So now I’ve written to my helper, and asked again what he think we should do. Like I said recently. I’m about to give up on the whole thing.

The answer my friend…..

is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind! That lyric and melody has been at it all morning in my head. I’ve seen “Do you know who you are”? and again I’ve followed a celebrity’s search for their familys roots. As always very exciting, although this particular story wasn’t the most facinating I’ve seen. Never the less these programmes always generate thoughts about my own situation out in this “circus”. Weird term to use, but that’s what I feel it has become. It’s almost everwhere I turn, that I bang my head against a wall after a very short amount of time. It’s becomming tiresome – very! If only one side of the family would be succesful, but it seem they’re both determind to be very uncoporative.

When that is said I also believe, that there’s a mening to everything. So I’ll get, what I’m suppose to, no more no less. But no-one can say I took it lying down. I gave as good as I got with those ancestors and autorithies not least. Along the way I’m trying to come to terms with, that I might never get the answers/reults that I want.

Where I’m banging my head agains the wall in terms of my biological mothers familiy is, that before a certain time (of course concerning my grandparents) simply wasnt’ any records in many cases. Poland was not to long a go almost a developing country. You tend to forget that, but none the less that makes that side of things complicated. What I can do, I’m not sure. Write the authorites has been done, but I have heard nothing. So I’m thinking in terms of this that I want to write some Danish/Polish society’s and hear them what to do, and if anyone can help. Likewise I’ve had good expiriences before in writing the Danish Embassey in Berlin, so I’m thinking I’ll try the same in Poland.

One thing is that Poland is complicated, but that Germany is almost the same sometimes is another matter. I’ve been searching for 20 years now approxmately and I have not yet found a ckear way to go about it. There’s not communication between offices and you’re shuffed from one to the other in a wild goosechase. Very tireing and not least frustrating. It takes determind stammina and patience. A lot of it! when that is said, if you continue, you can get lucky and I have been in some cases. It’s not all despair, but easy – no it’s not.

Now the new thing is that they are rearranging archives in Berlin, and that’s the reason why they can’t tell me if they have the deathcertificates for my grandparents, as they must have. Now I have to write the Embassey to hear if it can be true, that I have to wait until 2013, when they finish. I don’t understand if that’s the case.

In terms of my biological father, it’s the same problems as always and by now I’ve almost given up on it ever succeding. If he is alive he is very old and it’s the same “song” I keep running into. They need more information. Fine, but haven’t got it. Now I’ve gotten a private charity involved, and we’ll have to see. It’s easy enough to come up with a Robert Jones in serch engines and even one with the right birthday and year, but I have to have something to compare it to – was he black, was he in the millitary in Berlin etc. Otherwise itt’s useless information. And that’s what makes it so difficult.

I have a telvision show I can write if they still take in new problems. I’d rather avoided that as I have no wish for that kind of publicity, but if it can give me some answers, so be it. And even if I write them, I’m far from sure, they’ll take my story or they can even find out anything either. But let’s see, but that’s where we are right now. So as you can see Ii have “a couple” of mails that has to be written on top of everything else. The photo is from yesterday.